New Progress

I didn't feel like facing the bell yesterday. Not one bit. I did manage a 20 minute walk outside. I wanted to do more but the wind was hurting my ears through my not thick enough hat and I drank too much water before going out so I headed back to the house. I did keep my pace at 4 miles per hour so I guess it was better than nothing.

I didn't sleep much the night before. Two loved ones are dealing with health issues right now. Two very dear, close loved ones and it scares the crap out of me. Yesterday all I wanted to do was sit and watch my shows and just not do squat.

The walk helped though. The fresh air is always good for boosting the spirit. I know things will be okay. It's just that initial concern one must deal with when they hear bad news. Then Mom called and said my uncle had some problems post surgery and had to stay in the hospital. The words clot and blood loss are not good. Hopefully he is okay this morning. I'm waiting to hear word from my mom.

So last night about an hour before bed, I decided to grab the 8kg comp bell and do my snatches as Wednesday is snatch day. I was going to do a 5 minute snatch test trying to get my reps up to 20 per hand before switch. Well, the 5 minutes turned into 11 minutes and 34 seconds. No stopping, just switching every 20 reps. I could have and would have gone longer but I wasn't keeping track of time and I thought I might be around ten minutes but I wasn't sure. So I stopped and was kind of surprised to see 11:34 for my time. I was snatching about 20 reps per minute. It slowed down a wee bit towards the end but I could have gone a few more minutes if only I had been keeping track. I think I was snatching my frustration out. That's something kettlebells are great for - working out your issues. It requires focus and definitely helps take your mind off things if but for a little bit.

I did a couple five minute snatch cycles after that. One cycle I snatched 30 left, 30 right before my arms just sort of said no more so I took it down to 10 reps per arm for the remainder of the time.

All total I did about 400 snatches for the night. My arms were rubber after but it felt good. I really wish I didn't need to do the hand switch at all but this is about small incremental progress and I'm doing it.

Now if only the weightloss would follow suit. The inches are coming down and my weight is bouncing a couple pounds up and down. I definitely notice if I have any alcohol, my weight bounces up. It's just that I take video of my workout from time to time to check form and it is then I see myself. It's not the same as looking in a mirror. It's worse. I don't feel like I look. So I get frustrated.
I'm active. I move. I try to eat clean and healthy. I count calories but it is so frakking slow. I'm afraid of going too low calorie-wise. I know how crappy my health was becoming from not eating enough. I need to do some more clean up. I am considering counting macros - keeping closer track of my protein, carbs and fats. I don't know if I'm blocking myself or if I am just not doing it right.

I DO tend to overthink things. It's just that I never counted calories years ago. If I gained weight, I would just walk more(move more), eat a little less and it fell off. It seems that since I started actually counting the calories a few years ago, the worse it got. Of course, turning 40 didn't help. That was like running into a brick wall.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get to the place I want to be. I know I sound negative and I don't meant to be. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful I am strong and I am not sedentary. I am grateful for so many things. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm not frustrated with myself, because I am. But, I will celebrate my progress with my snatches and be happy with that. The weight will follow. I just need to be consistent. :)